by Ichabod Crane

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released November 9, 2013

Scott - Vocals/Guitar
Matt - Guitar/Vocals
Vee - Bass/Vocals
Brandon - Drums/Vocals

All songs written and performed by Ichabod Crane
Engineered, mixed and mastered by Nicholas McCabe
Cover art by David Mallon (
Lyric sheet and GuitarPro files written and prepared by Scott Roger

Guest vocals on Necronomicomicon by Rick Miller of Bleed to Sleep.
Guest vocals on Consumer by Joseph Flach of Setting Fires in Salem.




Ichabod Crane Akron, Ohio

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Track Name: Dead Serious
With tongue buried in cheek, I’ll scream and shake a fist
Spitting words into the mic, so you know we’re really pissed
We’ve spent hours perfecting, clever songs to be consumed
Working on these brutal riffs, yet the crowd remains unmoved
We’re dead serious, can’t you tell?
Dead serious, violence sells, truth is forfeit, sincerity’s shit
Dead serious, dressed in black
Dead serious, screech like cats
Grow your hair out, plagued with self-doubt
I’m not a poet but a sloganeer, pouring bullshit in your ear
Spouting nonsense just to kill the time, nowadays I barely even rhyme
Sentiments turn stale inside my mouth, fake gun to my brains and blow them out
Candles lit around a pentagram, pretend to conjure like our souls are damned
We’re dead serious, can’t you tell?
Dead serious, violence sells, truth is forfeit, sincerity’s shit
Dead serious, dressed in black
Dead serious, corrupt the young
Reductio ad absurdum
Eternal pies in the face for the scowls of you all
Track Name: Excessive Stimuli
Rubbing this magic lamp all day
This genie better appear, free me from this I pray
A prison of lingerie and sin
Helpless, I jerk away, as ragged as my poor foreskin
I lack in self-control, help me
Some say I’ve lost my mind, that’s untrue, it’s just horny
I'm so desensitized, it’s pointless
Sicker and sicker stuff I need to feel orgasmic bliss
What would I give to go back to the days of yore
My conscience clear and my balls weren’t sore
Before the Internet, before the tubes of porn
Erase my memories of nudity galore
Watching through squinting eyes, about to blow
Excessive stimuli
A million clicks, a million tits, a million ways to ignore some dude’s dick
I moisture, but fantasize, of staring deep into someone else's eyes
My brain is mush, my cheeks are flushed
My eyes bloodshot and of course my spirit’s crushed
Give me a break, my libido’s slaked and yet I’m still gripping my trouser snake
Rubbing this magic lamp, will it subside?
Someone help me, before I try erotic suicide
I’ve seen it all, it’s no fun
The sin of lust my master now, it’s already won
Track Name: Pink Slime
Hungry, it's late at night, drive-thru in my sight
Super-size my appetite
No care for healthy choice, carnivores rejoice
Chowing down on something red and moist
Whine all that you want, vegetarians I taunt
Muscles in a bun is all I’ve sought
They can't think or feel, their misery's not real
At least it isn't veal
Mystery meat, where are you from?
Dog, cat, pig, horse, slip me some tongue
Tell me why I should give a shit
Once it's ground up, it's all the same to me
My stomach's blind to cruelty
Nothing some secret sauce can't fix
Muscles squish between my teeth, pink slime
My thoughts devoid of all but beef
Dripping from each and every bite, pink slime
Feel it controlling from inside
Morning, I'm sick as hell, burgers not sitting well
Nausea I can't quell
Something just isn't right, urges I can't fight
To feast on people-flesh tonight
Lend me a helping hand, can't you understand?
I need to taste human
Let me eat you please, something in me’s diseased
I can’t get my fill, my diet makes me kill
Track Name: #nudesforsatan
When shadows hold the night and you're lying in your bed
Expecting calls from friends but he messages instead
Undo your zipper slow, no one will have to know
Lit by your iPhone’s glow, just give a quick show
Keep your moaning down, my child, lest parents hear your cries
This ritual requires your hand betwixt your thighs
Give in to the taboo, grab your phone, snap some nudes
Lucifer’s one hot dude, you know you want to
Nudes for Satan, worship, flesh laid bare
Nudes for Satan, the answer to your prayers
No crucifix, no care
He sits on his black throne, he’s waiting for you
Amassing an album of pics to review
Forever to stroke it, eternal voyeur
For aeons he’ll get off, no soul shall he spare
An eternal friend-zoned fiend, cock-blocked by holy light
Only your supple curves can ease his sulfurous plight
Fingers unhook your bra, skin tinged by Hell’s red maw
Too late now to withdraw, the Devil's hand’s upon his cock!
Track Name: Possessions
My flatscreen shines so bright, on and on throughout the night
The picture crystal clear, this high-def’s in control
Show me things I must have, overpriced, can't live without
PayPal or plastic? I’ll even trade my soul
I've never felt so loved then when surrounded by stuff
Fill the void in my heart just like a shopping cart
Consumerism-bound, unboxing items does entice
I can barely pay for food, but I’ll make the sacrifice
I’m prostrated at your shrine, my hard-earned treasures, mine
Caress you until release, possess me please
Plastic contours so sexual, panting reading your manual
Only you understand my needs, possess me, I plead
So close, not close enough, I need you now to share my mind
This modern alchemy will be our wedding vow
About to blow a fuse, in the house and in my pants
Saving my lust for now, a million skanks we’ll plow
Wires plunge into my brain, screaming, I feel no pain
Unbidden, pasty limbs twitch, why can’t I stop humping the fridge?
I’m prostrated at your shrine, my hard-on no longer mine
Caress me until release, release me please
Plastic contours so sexual, panting, only a mindless shell
I cannot comprehend your needs, release me, I plead
Fucked by machines
Track Name: Necronomicomicon
The wizened cult seers have hatched an artful scheme
An event for lonely saps, with a fresh comic book theme
To gather nectar from these blooms unwashed, unplucked
Too bad for virgin nerds, they’ve got some downright shitty luck
Traveled miles, standing single-file
Blood for the beast, gore shall be released
They plan for Q&A, in secret dream of T&A
Booth babes we’ve reanimated, crowds of boys ejaculated
Thankful to ogle girls, blind to the netherworlds
Knife-flashes in dark hallways, crimson petals where skin is flayed
In line, pocked faces aglow with delight inside the Necronomicomicon
They come from states away to buy and schmooze
While we seek to drain their virgin blood
Bodies strewn everywhere, our work comes to a close
Buckets brim with fluid, a sickly stench cuts at your nose
So quick they spent their cash, so quick their blushings flashed
No remorse for deadened eyes as we sing one last reprise
They now are subjects of the Horned One at the Necronomicomicon
Their withered husks by cloven hoof are shred
The murder ritual long since begun
We dance in pools of gore and viscera at the Necronomicomicon
Exalt as souls are cast into the pit
We pray the meal our horrid king sees fit
Track Name: Think of the Children
Unknown dangers lurk in a world hostile
Strange men hanging ‘round, they’re probably pedophiles
It is your duty to protect your child, the little cherubim
Bend to each tantrum, frozen yogurt, indulge their every whim
This world can be so cruel, think of the children
Save them from the obscene
We must hover over, helicopter-like
To keep their souls pristine
Watch what sites they surf, keep them safe from smut
Violence is A-OK, Sexuality is not
It is your duty to protect your child, the little cherubim
Bend to each tantrum, frozen yogurt, indulge their every whim
We gave them life’s breath, swore we'd protect, perfect angels sent from Heaven
Given boundaries like a prison, they’ll never know what they're missing
Track Name: Friday Night Budlights
Welcome Class 2003, Friday night’s my party scene
Grab a case, assemble bros, a tradition you all know
Affliction tee is on point, it’s 5 o’clock, let’s blow this joint
In the trunk, reds whites and blues, shotgun with us, you can’t lose
Toss ‘em back, turned way up, tailgaiting outside of the stadium
The game is on, and halfway gone, halftime and we’re pissing in lawn
It’s partytime, we need more beer, hey bro let’s call some chicks over here
Yo what’s the score, man I don’t know
Can’t you see this guy’s steppin’ on my flow
It’s time for Friday Night Budlights, let’s go and get into some fights
Hey man, the stadium's in sight, gonna drink a case myself tonight
It’s time for Friday Night Budlights, win or lose we booze, right?
It’s not the time to be polite, already downed a case tonight
Track Name: Let Them Eat HFCS
What’s in grocery baskets sends them to their caskets
Their jaws chew but barely keep pace
They yearn for such sweetness
The gods shall now witness an end to this gluttonous race
This drug is not snorted, it’s gobbled and hoarded
Its use is pervasive and sick
Production is dirt cheap to satisfy the plebes
Grown so fat they can’t find their pricks
Industry subsidized, poisonous compromise
Healthy food they despise, diabetic - a surprise
The price of man, the weregild paid, not with cash but a buffet
Eat all you can until you’re stuffed, drown in a sea of corn syrup
Congress-funded, a harvest fit for animals, fattening you up
Please ignore the blood-stained walls
It’s wonderful, how your meat turns to lard
Bones ground up for me once you’re dead and charred
Pacified, mellified, not quite dead, not alive
Led to the abattoirs, camouflaged as corner stores
Track Name: I Dream of Weenie
I, I dream of weenie all day long
I can't stop although I know it is wrong
Paid to legislate, but I can't wait ‘til I can masturbate
Bears don’t scare, nor chests with hair, I don’t discriminate
This hetero lifestyle’s all a sham
The things I imagine while I plow my wife’s can
GOP’s gay POV, the life I lead: no civil rights for thee
Closeted, paid by the Fed, libido fed by fantasy
I long for a Freddie Mercury, oh come free me from this drudgery
I, I dream of weenie all day long
Why else would I shout and say “Gay marriage is wrong"?
Track Name: Life or Debt
Four years of life you gladly trade away
For this paper, what you call a degree
You’ve spent long days crammed into cell-like rooms
Sardines in their briny little tombs
Shriveled, soulless, now just automatons
Pointless, employed by corporate demons
Data entry, a life like hell on earth
Mindless meetings for management’s evil mirth
You sold your soul, give to me that silly thing I once bartered thee
Don’t implore, I collect, mine is a call you can’t reject
I’ll delight torturing your essence for eternity
Every flaw I’ll inspect, I can’t wait to break your self-respect
What fun we’ll have, once you are on my team
We’ll play trust games, death the same as life now seems
Awkward small talk, what kinds of stocks to sell
Who said you can’t bring friends when you go to hell?
Was it worth it to sign my a devilish pact?
Now choose your life or debt, one to protract
Nevermind, you’re mine now and it’s time to pay what’s due
You’re going down when you die, it’s a fact and you know it’s true
Track Name: Consumer
I am called Ba’al Zebub, Prince of Hell, lord of the buzzing swarm
My only wish is to corrupt your helpless pink and squirming forms
You’re doing well yourselves so far, your corpses bloat
You rot before your flashing screens, my carrion takes note
Controlled by such hunger, paraphagic urge
Consumed by consumption, no trinket for which you will not search
Baubles crushed beneath my claws
BUY BUY BUY is your enabled cry
Good lord you're never satisfied
BUY BUY BUY is your enabled cry
I think it’s time you all died
Odorous mist, my poison vines, secure you to your chair, you are mine
Ignore headlines of pestilence, mutated food, political designs
Just focus on this pricetag here, a tempting charm
It’s what you need, a brand new watch clasped to your severed arm
Another generation’s only talent masturbation, I need to feed
You let your buildings crumble as mindless zombies mumble, I need to feed
Your species, intelligent feces, piled up, spreading disease
Earth begging for cleansing, I arrange its ending
BUY BUY BUY is your enabled cry
Good lord you're never satisfied
In due time, your race will fade away
Until then, my deadly games you’ll play