by Ichabod Crane

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

    Also includes cover artwork, lyrics and full guitar tablature in both GP6 and PDF file types.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price


  • Ichabod Crane merch on Storenvy

Dead Serious 02:17
With tongue buried in cheek, I’ll scream and shake a fist Spitting words into the mic, so you know we’re really pissed We’ve spent hours perfecting, clever songs to be consumed Working on these brutal riffs, yet the crowd remains unmoved We’re dead serious, can’t you tell? Dead serious, violence sells, truth is forfeit, sincerity’s shit Dead serious, dressed in black Dead serious, screech like cats Grow your hair out, plagued with self-doubt I’m not a poet but a sloganeer, pouring bullshit in your ear Spouting nonsense just to kill the time, nowadays I barely even rhyme Sentiments turn stale inside my mouth, fake gun to my brains and blow them out Candles lit around a pentagram, pretend to conjure like our souls are damned We’re dead serious, can’t you tell? Dead serious, violence sells, truth is forfeit, sincerity’s shit Dead serious, dressed in black Dead serious, corrupt the young Reductio ad absurdum Eternal pies in the face for the scowls of you all
Rubbing this magic lamp all day This genie better appear, free me from this I pray A prison of lingerie and sin Helpless, I jerk away, as ragged as my poor foreskin I lack in self-control, help me Some say I’ve lost my mind, that’s untrue, it’s just horny I'm so desensitized, it’s pointless Sicker and sicker stuff I need to feel orgasmic bliss What would I give to go back to the days of yore My conscience clear and my balls weren’t sore Before the Internet, before the tubes of porn Erase my memories of nudity galore Watching through squinting eyes, about to blow Excessive stimuli A million clicks, a million tits, a million ways to ignore some dude’s dick I moisture, but fantasize, of staring deep into someone else's eyes My brain is mush, my cheeks are flushed My eyes bloodshot and of course my spirit’s crushed Give me a break, my libido’s slaked and yet I’m still gripping my trouser snake Rubbing this magic lamp, will it subside? Someone help me, before I try erotic suicide I’ve seen it all, it’s no fun The sin of lust my master now, it’s already won
Pink Slime 02:16
Hungry, it's late at night, drive-thru in my sight Super-size my appetite No care for healthy choice, carnivores rejoice Chowing down on something red and moist Whine all that you want, vegetarians I taunt Muscles in a bun is all I’ve sought They can't think or feel, their misery's not real At least it isn't veal Mystery meat, where are you from? Dog, cat, pig, horse, slip me some tongue Tell me why I should give a shit Once it's ground up, it's all the same to me My stomach's blind to cruelty Nothing some secret sauce can't fix Muscles squish between my teeth, pink slime My thoughts devoid of all but beef Dripping from each and every bite, pink slime Feel it controlling from inside Morning, I'm sick as hell, burgers not sitting well Nausea I can't quell Something just isn't right, urges I can't fight To feast on people-flesh tonight Lend me a helping hand, can't you understand? I need to taste human Let me eat you please, something in me’s diseased I can’t get my fill, my diet makes me kill
When shadows hold the night and you're lying in your bed Expecting calls from friends but he messages instead Undo your zipper slow, no one will have to know Lit by your iPhone’s glow, just give a quick show Keep your moaning down, my child, lest parents hear your cries This ritual requires your hand betwixt your thighs Give in to the taboo, grab your phone, snap some nudes Lucifer’s one hot dude, you know you want to Nudes for Satan, worship, flesh laid bare Nudes for Satan, the answer to your prayers No crucifix, no care He sits on his black throne, he’s waiting for you Amassing an album of pics to review Forever to stroke it, eternal voyeur For aeons he’ll get off, no soul shall he spare An eternal friend-zoned fiend, cock-blocked by holy light Only your supple curves can ease his sulfurous plight Fingers unhook your bra, skin tinged by Hell’s red maw Too late now to withdraw, the Devil's hand’s upon his cock!
Possessions 03:00
My flatscreen shines so bright, on and on throughout the night The picture crystal clear, this high-def’s in control Show me things I must have, overpriced, can't live without PayPal or plastic? I’ll even trade my soul I've never felt so loved then when surrounded by stuff Fill the void in my heart just like a shopping cart Consumerism-bound, unboxing items does entice I can barely pay for food, but I’ll make the sacrifice I’m prostrated at your shrine, my hard-earned treasures, mine Caress you until release, possess me please Plastic contours so sexual, panting reading your manual Only you understand my needs, possess me, I plead So close, not close enough, I need you now to share my mind This modern alchemy will be our wedding vow About to blow a fuse, in the house and in my pants Saving my lust for now, a million skanks we’ll plow Wires plunge into my brain, screaming, I feel no pain Unbidden, pasty limbs twitch, why can’t I stop humping the fridge? I’m prostrated at your shrine, my hard-on no longer mine Caress me until release, release me please Plastic contours so sexual, panting, only a mindless shell I cannot comprehend your needs, release me, I plead Fucked by machines
TSA 02:24
The wizened cult seers have hatched an artful scheme An event for lonely saps, with a fresh comic book theme To gather nectar from these blooms unwashed, unplucked Too bad for virgin nerds, they’ve got some downright shitty luck Traveled miles, standing single-file Blood for the beast, gore shall be released They plan for Q&A, in secret dream of T&A Booth babes we’ve reanimated, crowds of boys ejaculated Thankful to ogle girls, blind to the netherworlds Knife-flashes in dark hallways, crimson petals where skin is flayed In line, pocked faces aglow with delight inside the Necronomicomicon They come from states away to buy and schmooze While we seek to drain their virgin blood Bodies strewn everywhere, our work comes to a close Buckets brim with fluid, a sickly stench cuts at your nose So quick they spent their cash, so quick their blushings flashed No remorse for deadened eyes as we sing one last reprise They now are subjects of the Horned One at the Necronomicomicon Their withered husks by cloven hoof are shred The murder ritual long since begun We dance in pools of gore and viscera at the Necronomicomicon Exalt as souls are cast into the pit We pray the meal our horrid king sees fit
Lullaby 00:47
Unknown dangers lurk in a world hostile Strange men hanging ‘round, they’re probably pedophiles It is your duty to protect your child, the little cherubim Bend to each tantrum, frozen yogurt, indulge their every whim This world can be so cruel, think of the children Save them from the obscene We must hover over, helicopter-like To keep their souls pristine Watch what sites they surf, keep them safe from smut Violence is A-OK, Sexuality is not It is your duty to protect your child, the little cherubim Bend to each tantrum, frozen yogurt, indulge their every whim We gave them life’s breath, swore we'd protect, perfect angels sent from Heaven Given boundaries like a prison, they’ll never know what they're missing
Welcome Class 2003, Friday night’s my party scene Grab a case, assemble bros, a tradition you all know Affliction tee is on point, it’s 5 o’clock, let’s blow this joint In the trunk, reds whites and blues, shotgun with us, you can’t lose Toss ‘em back, turned way up, tailgaiting outside of the stadium The game is on, and halfway gone, halftime and we’re pissing in lawn It’s partytime, we need more beer, hey bro let’s call some chicks over here Yo what’s the score, man I don’t know Can’t you see this guy’s steppin’ on my flow It’s time for Friday Night Budlights, let’s go and get into some fights Hey man, the stadium's in sight, gonna drink a case myself tonight It’s time for Friday Night Budlights, win or lose we booze, right? It’s not the time to be polite, already downed a case tonight
What’s in grocery baskets sends them to their caskets Their jaws chew but barely keep pace They yearn for such sweetness The gods shall now witness an end to this gluttonous race This drug is not snorted, it’s gobbled and hoarded Its use is pervasive and sick Production is dirt cheap to satisfy the plebes Grown so fat they can’t find their pricks Industry subsidized, poisonous compromise Healthy food they despise, diabetic - a surprise The price of man, the weregild paid, not with cash but a buffet Eat all you can until you’re stuffed, drown in a sea of corn syrup Congress-funded, a harvest fit for animals, fattening you up Please ignore the blood-stained walls It’s wonderful, how your meat turns to lard Bones ground up for me once you’re dead and charred Pacified, mellified, not quite dead, not alive Led to the abattoirs, camouflaged as corner stores
I, I dream of weenie all day long I can't stop although I know it is wrong Paid to legislate, but I can't wait ‘til I can masturbate Bears don’t scare, nor chests with hair, I don’t discriminate This hetero lifestyle’s all a sham The things I imagine while I plow my wife’s can GOP’s gay POV, the life I lead: no civil rights for thee Closeted, paid by the Fed, libido fed by fantasy I long for a Freddie Mercury, oh come free me from this drudgery I, I dream of weenie all day long Why else would I shout and say “Gay marriage is wrong"?
Life or Debt 02:03
Four years of life you gladly trade away For this paper, what you call a degree You’ve spent long days crammed into cell-like rooms Sardines in their briny little tombs Shriveled, soulless, now just automatons Pointless, employed by corporate demons Data entry, a life like hell on earth Mindless meetings for management’s evil mirth You sold your soul, give to me that silly thing I once bartered thee Don’t implore, I collect, mine is a call you can’t reject I’ll delight torturing your essence for eternity Every flaw I’ll inspect, I can’t wait to break your self-respect What fun we’ll have, once you are on my team We’ll play trust games, death the same as life now seems Awkward small talk, what kinds of stocks to sell Who said you can’t bring friends when you go to hell? Was it worth it to sign my a devilish pact? Now choose your life or debt, one to protract Nevermind, you’re mine now and it’s time to pay what’s due You’re going down when you die, it’s a fact and you know it’s true
Consumer 03:17
I am called Ba’al Zebub, Prince of Hell, lord of the buzzing swarm My only wish is to corrupt your helpless pink and squirming forms You’re doing well yourselves so far, your corpses bloat You rot before your flashing screens, my carrion takes note Controlled by such hunger, paraphagic urge Consumed by consumption, no trinket for which you will not search Baubles crushed beneath my claws BUY BUY BUY is your enabled cry Good lord you're never satisfied BUY BUY BUY is your enabled cry I think it’s time you all died Odorous mist, my poison vines, secure you to your chair, you are mine Ignore headlines of pestilence, mutated food, political designs Just focus on this pricetag here, a tempting charm It’s what you need, a brand new watch clasped to your severed arm Another generation’s only talent masturbation, I need to feed You let your buildings crumble as mindless zombies mumble, I need to feed Your species, intelligent feces, piled up, spreading disease Earth begging for cleansing, I arrange its ending BUY BUY BUY is your enabled cry Good lord you're never satisfied In due time, your race will fade away Until then, my deadly games you’ll play


released November 9, 2013

Scott - Vocals/Guitar
Matt - Guitar/Vocals
Vee - Bass/Vocals
Brandon - Drums/Vocals

All songs written and performed by Ichabod Crane
Engineered, mixed and mastered by Nicholas McCabe
Cover art by David Mallon (
Lyric sheet and GuitarPro files written and prepared by Scott Roger

Guest vocals on Necronomicomicon by Rick Miller of Bleed to Sleep.
Guest vocals on Consumer by Joseph Flach of Setting Fires in Salem.




Ichabod Crane Akron, Ohio

contact / help

Contact Ichabod Crane

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

If you like Ichabod Crane, you may also like: